Oh dear, Man Utd 0-1 Leeds Utd. That would have been unforgivable at the start of the noughties, let alone now. We can't even put it down to inexperience as it was a near full strength Man Utd side. Well, whatever full strength means at Old Trafford these days.
Dismal. Appalling. Lacklustre. And that's just Berbatov.
So Sir Alex, if you're reading this (and let's face it, you probably are), pay attention. I am offering you my services. I can run for 90 minutes straight, without stopping. I just did 12 miles in 1h 42, and that's slow compared to usual (icy roads, you see). With a full marathon the next target, my fitness levels will only increase; subject to avoiding injury. Although, the Owen-Hargreaves pairing (yes, the pun was intended) suggests that's not an issue with you. I'm not very talented with a football, but the Nani-Park pairing suggests that's no issue either. In any case, at 25 my best years lie ahead. Complacency and grandiose feelings of self worth are alien to me.
For what sum must your club part, you ask? I'm a simple guy; £500 a week will do. But make haste, because enquiries have been made elsewhere. OUISOC will guarantee me regular first team action (though, admittedly are unable to match my wage demands).
The ball is in your court (another intended pun).
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